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Zusatztext “For those of us who are dating-impaired! is the perfect guidebook. Filled with practical! easy-to-follow suggestions! this book will set even the most reluctant and skeptical of daters on the road to success.” —Michael Thomas Ford! author of It’s Not Mean If It’s True and The Little Book of Neuroses Informationen zum Autor Jim Sullivan is a national seminar leader and dating-and-relationship coach with twenty-five years of counseling experience. He holds two master’s degrees, one in counseling from New York University and one in religious studies from Manhattan College. He lives in New York City and can be reached at www.boyfriend101.com. Klappentext You've done the bar thing. You've let your best friend set you up. You've even logged on to a gay dating website. But the man of your dreams is still out there, just waiting for you to find him. What's a gay guy to do? Look no further than this book. Whether you're new to the dating scene or just wanting a refresher course, in Boyfriend 101 you'll find an abundance of practical tips for meeting the right man (and avoiding the wrong ones) and keeping him (and you) interested for the long term. Topics include: •Deciding what you need versus what you want in a boyfriend •Icebreakers that actually work •Expanding your social network •The best places to meet men •Writing a hot personal ad or online profile •First-date protocols (or, Waiting until after the third date to have sex) •Discussing HIV and negotiating safe sex •Maintaining a healthy body image •Overcoming fear of abandonment •Creating healthy lines of communication with your boyfriend CHAPTER 1 getting started From the early days of Gay Liberation until the early 1980s, the primary place for meeting gay singles was bars. The bar scene was the hub of gay life. In bars, men dished, met new friends, fell in love, and broke up. Every gay traveler carried the Damron Address Book, the bible of gay travel. With the onset of AIDS in the early eighties, the golden age of bars ended. Suddenly, there were vastly more important things to do—ministering to others; taking care of one’s own health—than hanging out in bars. With the decreasing importance of bars in the culture, new ways of relating emerged, as gay men sought alternatives to bars as places to socialize and to shelter themselves from the storm outside. By the early 1990s, dating patterns for gay men had undergone a profound change. Previously, men met and either fell in love at first sight and became lovers fairly quickly, or had sex and, if it didn’t work out, moved on. One rarely heard—let alone used—the “D” word. It sounded too straight. It took too much time. The expectation of immediately having sex with a man was so ingrained in gay culture that the idea of postponing what was only “natural” seemed old-fashioned and sex-phobic. To be gay was to have sex. Now. The ritual of dating became a new phenomenon. New organizations sprang up across the United States, and gay community centers became an alternative hub of gay life, where one could meet other gay singles in a non-bar environment. Many men rubbed elbows with lesbians for the first time at gay centers, and experienced firsthand another model of same-sex coupling. Few lesbians were looking for the absolutely “perfect” body as much as gay men—or for immediate gratification. Some men recoiled at the concept of dating, because they were afraid of intimacy—and still held on to the myth that the pre-AIDS period of sexual experimentation constituted the glory years. But those days are gone forever. The paradigm shift from bars, cruising, and immediate sex to dating, courtship, and long-term relationships defines today’s gay landscape. WHAT IS A DATE? You’re having a date when you meet a guy at a specified place and time in pursuit of the possibility of future roma...
