I'm Not Gonna Lie - And Other Lies You Tell When You Turn 50

Informationen zum Autor George Lopez is a New York Times bestselling author! stand-up comedian! actor! and talk show host. He lives in Los Angeles. Klappentext From one of the most celebrated and beloved comedians and actors of our time! George Lopez! comes this hilarious! touching! and often wacky chronicle of life after fifty. George Lopez just hit the half-century mark and the reset button on his life. Newly single and ready to embrace life! George was excited to turn fifty. It would be a welcome new phase in his life! a chance to say goodbye to a decade that included a kidney transplant and a divorce. But when he looked around a room full of his childhood friends! all gathered to celebrate his birthday! many now bald or overweight! it suddenly hit him that he was old. What happened? And more importantly! what was he going to do about it? George learns the hard way that when you turn 50! everything changes. You pull a muscle in your sleep. You avoid mirrors at all costs! and always! always wear a robe. You have to schedule an appointment to have sex. You have to dye your hair and buy a bathtub with a door. As George learns to embrace life after fifty! he invites readers into his world! sharing the ups and downs of getting older—from his relationship with a much younger woman to a bizarre session with a pet psychic! to a trip behind-the-scenes at his tumultuous two years at Lopez Tonight! to an intimate look at his sacred ground! the golf course—and! for the first time! he reveals in moving detail! the story of the battle for his life against kidney disease. I'm Not Gonna Lie will make you laugh at yourself! cry about yourself! and look at turning fifty in a way you never would've imagined—through the eyes of George Lopez. I’m gonna tell you the truth. I lied. A lot. Okay, that’s a lie. I lied all the time. I lied to survive. And I lied because it seemed as if nobody wanted to hear the truth. I just told people what they wanted to hear. I also lied by withholding information, which is another kind of lie. Here’s one of those. Once, during the dark days of my marriage, I decided to surprise my wife with a bottle of champagne. Things had been sort of unraveling, and I thought a romantic evening might help us turn the ship around. I didn’t know that by then the ship had already crashed and was taking on water like the Titanic , but . . . Anyway, to enhance the romance, I popped a little blue pill. Yes. I took a Viagra. This was a really big deal for me, because philosophically I’m opposed to unnatural male enhancement. But I really wanted this evening to be perfect. Then, before I even uncorked the champagne, we got into a huge screaming fight and I stormed upstairs with a boner the size of a baseball bat. Great. I’m upstairs with a huge hard-on and nobody to offer me relief. Have you read the label on the Viagra bottle? I stared at it in horror. I was about to have a boner for four hours. Really? Four hours ? What was I supposed to do for four hours in this condition? I couldn’t leave the house. I couldn’t phone out-call massage. My wife was downstairs, and I was betting she was not gonna understand. Or be sympathetic. All I could think of was, “How great is this? I take a pill, we get into a fight, I get a massive hard-on, and all I got up here is basic cable and DVDs of my sitcom.”   It also says on the bottle that if your erection lasts for more than four hours you should seek medical assistance. Really? I’m not calling my doctor. He wears thick wraparound glasses that make him look like a welder and has hair the size of an Afro coming out of both ears. If I need to call somebody to finish this off, I’m gonna text my wife downstairs and ask, “Hey, is your sister home?” I should’ve been honest. I should’ve said, “Look, I know we had a terrible fight, but I...

Produktdetails

• Autoren: Alan Eisenstock, George Lopez
• Verlag: Penguin Books USA
• Sprache: Englisch
• Produktform: Fester Einband
• Erscheint: 07.05.2013, verspätet
• EAN: 9780451417107
• ISBN: 978-0-451-41710-7
• Seiten: 256
• Thema: Belletristik > Comic, Cartoon, Humor, Satire