The Accidental Bond

Informationen zum Autor Susan Scarf Merrell Klappentext Why do siblings raised in the same family environment often have wildly differing memories of childhood? How does birth order really affect life in the family? Why do siblings of the same gender tend to identify with different parents?In this thoughtful and remarkable exploration of siblings of all varieties, journalist Susan Scarf Merrell brings to light some of the most painful, joyous, and confusing aspects of siblinghood as revealed in dozens of interviews.No matter what kind of relationship we now have with our siblings--close or distant, loving or hostile--our histories with them exert a profound effect on our current relationships with lovers, friends, coworkers, even our own children. Utilizing the most current research and the work of psychologists, psychiatrists, and family experts, Merrell reminds us that sibling relationships are not just a blood tie, but a lifelong connection of infinite variety and fascination.CHAPTER ONE       The Accidental Bond       We do not select our beginnings. We are cast from Eden when one of a million sperm connects, in a random instant, with an egg; our creation occurs because two previously unacquainted genomes—without benefit of clergy or even a moment for mutual assessment—select one another and marry for life. Such a wonderful intricacy of circumstance joins gene to gene, supplies the nascent human with the parameters of its adult personality and physical form. At that moment of primary connection, the person-to-be is endowed with propensities toward engineering or music, toward conversation or silence, toward athletic prowess or a fondness for animals or alcohol.   No one receives a gene to be a social worker or a murderer in the lottery of genetic chance; one’s endowment is a tendency toward a range of outcomes, not a blueprint for a single way of being. Such predispositions are further molded by life’s early lessons. At birth, a child’s world is given to him; the lessons of acting, reacting, and interacting will be learned with a certain set of parents, siblings, and others. The influence is mutual, for these others—each as inadvertently a particular self as any of the rest—react and change in response to the newcomer as well. And as each person evolves and grows, her relationships will influence the development of myriad aspects of her personality, from sense of self to ambition, talent, and energy. The basic self is a genetic inheritance, an accident of birth. In relation to others, then, each person becomes a more specific, durable individual.   A young mother gazes affectionately at her sleeping infant, and says, “She’s so peaceful; her brother was wild, he never slept.” The actual hours each child slept at six weeks of age may not be all that different, but the perception that the little girl is quieter than her brother—the family’s need to differentiate them in this particular way—will be one tiny factor that affects what sorts of people both children will eventually become. Nature’s bequest and nurturing’s behest work in concert: Our roots are immutable, but each tree grows in a unique way, depending on its response to the light, the care, and the room it receives.   That peaceful little girl, only a few weeks old, is already being affected and having her own effect on the world around her. Up until his sister’s birth, her two-year-old brother’s nickname, “Wild Man,” had always seemed a term of affection. At this moment, the accident of her birth has combined with his parents’ perceptions of critical characteristics to remake the world. Wild and peaceful are traits this family recognizes, while another family might focus on other descriptive terms—alert, curious, accepting, passive—that subtly alter the child’s sense of what is important. That big brother will never again know a universe in which aspects of his self and others will not b...

Dettagli sul prodotto

• Autori: Merrell, Susan Merrell, Susan Scarf Merrell
• Editore: Ballantine
• Lingue: Inglese
• Formato: Tascabile
• Pubblicazione: 14.01.1997
• EAN: 9780449911198
• ISBN: 978-0-449-91119-8
• Pagine: 320
• Dimensioni: 142 mm x 215 mm x 16 mm
• Categorie: Guide e manuali > Libri sul benessere, vita quotidiana > Condotta di vita, auto-realizzazione; Narrativa > Romanzi