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Informationen zum Autor Larry Bleidner is the coauthor of The L&L Beancounter's Catalog. A former award-winning writer for ABC and Time Warner's magazine division, he is currently at work on a feature film for Universal. Klappentext FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT CHILDBIRTH. THIS IS REALITY, WITH BELLY LAUGHS."I'll Never Have Sex with You Again!" chronicles birthin' babies like nothing ever before. Told by moms, dads, OB/GYNS, labor nurses and the people next door, its stories give new meaning to the phrase "up close and personal." And many celebrities -- from Nikki Sixx to Faith Hill, Lucy Lawless to Phyllis Diller, Erin Brockovich to Peggy Noonan -- let down their guard and prove that the delivery room is definitely a no-spin zone. Read all about The birthing mom who watches helplessly as a sexy labor nurse tries to seduce her husband. The mother-in-law/M.D. wanna-be who seizes the forceps and orders the doctor to get the show on the road! The new dad who suffers a concussion during a crib-assembly mishap and first glimpses his infant as he's being wheeled into the emergency room. The woman who had to be knocked out cold by a baseball to discover she was pregnant. The dad who misses his daughter's birth when he runs home to change into a suit and tie. The woman in labor who discovers an old flame will administer her epidural, and opts to tough it out -- sans anesthesia!Heartwarming and hilarious, these 100-plus stories will thrill moms, mothers-to-be or anyone even thinking about having a baby. Leseprobe Chapter 1: I Am Not Out of Control! Ladies, there's one time in your life when you get a free pass for outrageous behavior, and this is it. Here's how some moms let fly with thoughts, words and actions. C'MON, ADMIT IT -- YOU REALLY ENJOYED THAT SHAVE Jeannine Schwing is my (Irene's) sister, mom to Paul and Cate and one of the funniest people we know. Of course she'd have something to say about her delivery. I'm terrified of hospitals. Even if I just drive past one, my heart races and I feel sick to my stomach. When I became pregnant, I blocked the hospital part from my mind and imagined the baby magically appearing. That's probably the reason I didn't go into labor. My due date came and went. A week passed. A few more days. Four years later, I'd probably still be carrying this baby to avoid the hospital. However, the doctor decided it was time to induce. I was extremely nervous. We arrived at the hospital at six thirty in the morning on March 18. They took us into labor and delivery. They hooked me up to Pitocin to trigger labor. A few minutes later I felt a tightening, which was the start of contractions. Dave, my husband, was sitting near me watching The Price Is Right. Even today, when I hear that show's theme song or Bob Barker's voice, I feel like puking. The doctor said I was dilating and asked if I wanted an epidural. I said yes. I wasn't in a ton of pain, but I was uncomfortable. My mother brags about having this very high threshold of pain. She's had teeth pulled without a drop of Novocain. I, however, need anesthesia when having my teeth cleaned. In the background, Bob Barker yelled for someone to "Come on down!" Behind Bob, some slinky model with a French manicure smiled and stroked a microwave like it was her lover's butt. The doctor kept checking me. At 2 P.M., I was at nine centimeters, but the head wasn't coming down. He said by 4 P.M. I'd have the baby. But 4 P.M. came and went. He said, "Wait a little longer." Suddenly the room was filled with beeping. Beep-beep-beep-beep! A nurse ran in. She looked at the fetal monitor, picked up a phone and told the doctor to come in right away. Seconds later the doctor raced into the room. He looked at me. "We need to do a C-section right now." They pulled the gown off me...
