Here Speeching American

Informationen zum Autor Kathryn   Petras  collected   The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said and put them all in a book .  Her other works, coauthored with her brother Ross, include  Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats  and  It All Seems Impossible Until It's Done . She lives in New York City. Ross   Petras , along with his sister, Kathryn Petras, collected   The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said.  His other works, also coauthored with his sister, include  Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats  and  It All Seems Impossible Until It's Done . He lives in New York City. Klappentext THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER READ The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head-taking you from the airport to the hotel! from sightseeing to dining out-by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: • Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell. -shop sign! Lovina Beach! Bali • Feeling sick? Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose? -Japanese medical form • Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner! but no trousers. -in a French hotel brochure • Wondering where to eat? Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch! dinner and Sunday Brunch. -slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International But don't take our word for it! come see for yourself. And if that's too much to ask! remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: "If there is anything we can do to assist and help you! please do not contact us.” Leseprobe Chapter 1 Air Travel Your trip abroad often begins before you set foot in your destination country. We are speaking, of course, of foreign airlines. What better way to immediately get to know the people and the culture, and to get a glimpse of the fun times you’ll soon be having, than flying on your host country’s national carrier? The first impression you’ll get of the country you’ll be visiting is from your flight crew. They are carefully selected to be the perfect ambassadors. Duck feet? You’re out. Pigeon toes? Out! Bowlegs, pimples, warts, moles, dark skin, scars, bad breath? Out! . . . [And] they must be virgins. Hao Yu-ping, director of flight attendant school at China Air, describing the airline’s requirements for flight attendants The stewardesses of Southwest Airlines must go through four steps, such as hardship, tiredment, dirt feeling. Beside the quality of general stewardess. from the first edition of Chinese airline Southwest Civil Aviation’s Inflight Magazing [sic] And they’re trained to give you exceptional—even exotic—service. Sir would you like some sauce on your balls? Singapore Airlines stewardess, quoted in Singapore newspaper The crew will want to make your flight as comfortable and safe as possible, so read the helpful material in the seat pocket—and be assured of a relaxing, worry-free trip. Bags to be use in case of sickness of to gather remains. slogan on a Spanish airline’s airsickness bag And an itch-free trip too! Dear Passenger, Wish you have a joyful journey! When you are in public talking and laughing and drinking and singing . . . living a happy life, suddenly you feel some part of your body is too itchy to endure. How embarrassed! Please dial fax [phone], you will gain an unexpected result. Air China brochure You may want to read the specifics of your flight for further reassurance. International Fright Information airline timetable, China Airlines in-flight magazine Maximum cruising fright level in-flight magazine...

Product details

• Authors: Kathryn Petras, Ross Petras
• Publisher: Random House USA
• Languages: English
• Product format: Paperback / Softback
• Released: 05.10.2004
• EAN: 9780812973150
• ISBN: 978-0-8129-7315-0
• No. of pages: 240
• Dimensions: 120 mm x 185 mm x 10 mm
• Series: VILLARD BOOK; VILLARD BOOK
• Subject: Fiction > Comic, cartoon, humour, satire