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Got jealousy? Get joy! - through empathic compersion!What is compersion? What contexts promote or hinder its occurrence? Can we "learn" compersion, or at least invite more of it into our lives? Is compersion the "opposite" of jealousy as it is usually believed? Can learning about compersion have a wide social impact and play a role in dismantling mononormativity? This book addresses these questions and many more. The empirical data upon which this book is based draws from the author's original qualitative study (see published dissertation here) with 17 consensually nonmonogamous (CNM) individuals who have experienced compersion, along with other relevant published literature.This book is the first to present a comprehensive theoretical model of compersion, first identifying its core components (empathic joy; gratitude for benefits derived from a partner's other relationship(s); and compersion as dynamic, fluid, and on a spectrum), and then combining them with the six main factors that promote or hinder compersion at individual, relational, and social levels. The individual level includes two factors: ideological commitment to CNM values and self-security; the relational level includes three factors: relational security, connectedness, and trust; integration of partner's other relationship(s); and positive perception of partner's other relationship(s); and the social level includes one factor: community belonging. Each one of the aforementioned themes are thoroughly explained and illustrated by original stories and quotes from the author's research participants, giving the book a personal tone.Another novel contribution of this book is its proposal that compersion needs to be redefined for uses in both CNM relationships and other relational contexts. To this end, two novel definitions for future use or inclusion in main English dictionaries are provided. Thus, while the content of this book is mostly targeted toward readers interested in CNM, this book will also be relevant to, and inclusive of, monogamous people interested in learning more about how compersion may apply to them.Lastly, the book argues that understanding compersion is an important step toward dismantling mononormativity by challenging the assumption that jealousy is the only valid response to extradyadic intimacy. This point has important social justice ramifications, since research shows that CNM individuals tend to be victims of stigmatization and discrimination in social settings based on the widespread cultural belief that CNM is somehow "inferior" (socially, morally, spiritually, etc.) to monogamy. Those implications are described focusing on four areas of theory and praxis: psychology, neuroscience, and social sciences; sexuality studies; philosophy and ethics; and, the law....
List of contents
AcknowledgmentsForeword by Jessica Fern
IntroductionWhat Is Compersion?
Compersion and Buddhism
Prevalence of Consensual Non-Monogamy
Mononormativity and Compersion
How Is Compersion Relevant to Monogamous People?
The Research behind This Book
Contributions and Relevance of This Book
Should Compersion Always Be the Goal?
Overview of the Book
Notes
Chapter 1: Developing a Non-Mononormative Relationship to Jealousy as a Foundation for Compersion
The Entanglement of Jealousy and Mononormativity
Different Types of Jealousy
Essentialist, Cross-Cultural, and Socially Constructed Perspectives on Jealousy
Jealousy and Power Dynamics in CNM Relationships
How CNM People Relate to Jealousy Differently: The Advent of Non-Mononormative Jealousy
The Malleability of Jealousy
Notes
Part I: Components of CompersionChapter 2: Positive Empathy
What Is Empathy?
Participants' Accounts of Positive Empathy
Notes
Chapter 3: Gratitude
Participants' Accounts of Gratitude
Is Compersion Selfish or Selfless?
Notes
Part II: Dimensions of Compersion Chapter 4: Two Kinds of Compersion: Attitudinal and Embodied
Attitudinal Compersion
Embodied Compersion
Is Compersion Necessary?
Congruence with Previous Research
Notes
Chapter 5: Spectrum of Compersion
Understanding the Spectrum
Is the Spectrum Linear?
Is the Spectrum Hierarchical?
Other Flavors of Compersion
Chapter 6: Coexistence of Jealousy and Compersion
Participants' Accounts of Jealousy and Compersion Coexisting
Comperstruggle
Fluidity between Jealousy and Compersion
Explanatory Frameworks for the Coexistence of Jealousy and Compersion
Part III: A Compersion RoadmapChapter 7: What Promotes Compersion?
Grouping 1: Individual Factors
Grouping 2: Relational Factors
Grouping 3: Social Factors
Notes
Chapter 8: What Hinders Compersion?
Grouping 1: Individual Factors
Grouping 2: Relational Factors
Grouping 3: Social Factors
Notes
Part IV: A Comprehensive Model of CompersionChapter 9: A Proposed Theory of Compersion
Congruency and Exceptions
A Dual Control Model of Compersion
Applying the Model in Practice
Notes
Part V: Social Lenses on CompersionChapter 10: The Role of Coming Out and Pride in Compersion
What Is Coming Out?
Identity Development and Coming Out for CNM People
CNM Resilience, Coming Out, and Compersion
CNM Identity Development Based on Perception of Innateness versus Choice
Chapter 11: Social Positionality and Compersion
The Research Process
Is Compersion a Privileged Emotion? The Surprising Impact of Compounded Discrimination
Compersion as Resistance
Compersion and Age or Stage of Life
Compersion and Disability
Compersion and Gender
Sexual Orientation and Compersion
Race and Compersion
Socioeconomic Status and Compersion
Conclusion: The Double-Edged Sword of Otherness
Part VI: Concluding ThoughtsChapter 12: Can Compersion Be Learned?
Learning by Creating a "Fertile Terrain"
Learning by Example
Learning by Unlearning
Learning by Shifting Paradigms
Learning through Practice
Learning by Cultivating Empathy
Learning by Doing
Conclusion
Notes
Chapter 13: Parting Words: Compersion, Personal Transformation, and Social Change
Notes
ReferencesIndexAbout the Author
About the author
Marie Thouin, PhD is the author of What Is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships, the first-ever comprehensive scholarly book on compersion. She has been featured in several magazines and podcasts, including ELLE, the Savage Lovecast, and Multiamory. Thouin has also published seminal research studies, the first encyclopedia entry on compersion, and is the creator of www.whatiscompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, blogs, media appearances, and a list of resources on the topic of compersion. Founder of Love InSight, a mindful dating and relationship coaching practice, Dr. Thouin supports and guides people of all backgrounds and relational orientations to create intentional and vibrant love lives.
