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A childhood development psychologist argues that the much-debated problem with men begins with subjecting boys to toxic masculine stereotypes—and explains how we can change direction.
Boys are less sensitive than girls. Boys don''t need emotional intimacy. Boys are rational, intelligent, and competitive. Boys will be boys. . . . Assumptions like these maintain “boy culture.” This reality pushes boys into gendered roles that leave them disconnected from one another. It''s getting worse. In 1990, 3 percent of men reported having no close friends; now 15 percent do. This crisis of connection has led to “toxic masculinity,” “the epidemic of fatherlessness,” and, most sensationally, “the end of men,” while real boys all around us are experiencing more depression, anxiety, loneliness, and even suicide and violence.
As Niobe Way''s interviews with boys from all income levels prove, children have strong emotional and social skills. Preteen boys speak openly about their love for male friends, their desire to share deep secrets, and their need to discuss problems rather than avoid them. It is only as they grow older and are pressured to “man up” that these abilities are lost.
We can fix it! As Way shows with powerful heartrending stories, when teens resist “boy culture,” they experience higher self-esteem, friendship quality, and math achievement, along with lower levels of depression. A caring climate at home, in school, and in society that encourages connection and friendship makes the difference. Culture-war stories may get television ratings and politicians elected, but this book will help us nurture our boys.
