Emotionally Abusive Relationship - How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

Informationen zum Autor Beverly Engel, LMFT, is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of twenty-three self-help books, including Loving Him without Losing You, Healing Your Emotional Self , and The Nice Girl Syndrome . Beverly frequently lends her expertise to national television shows and has appeared on Oprah, CNN , and Starting Over. She has a blog on the Psychology Today website and has been featured in publications including O, The Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post , and more. Klappentext A comprehensive and practical guide for those being emotionally abused, emotional abusers, and others trapped in unhealthy relationships "Engel's seminal book on abusive relationships is both practical and empathetic. I particularly like that she helps victims explore their childhood to understand their triggers and why they're in an abusive relationship. It's easy to read and explains how to confront abuse, move on, and recover." -Darlene Lancer, LMFT, author of Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist "In illuminating the significance of shame in both the abuser and the abused, Engel reveals pathways for clearer recognition and, ultimately, healing for those caught in the web of emotional abuse." -Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, author of Sometimes I Act Crazy and I Hate You-Don't Leave Me The second edition of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing is an up-to-date and evidence-based program for working through the psychological and personality issues driving emotional abuse in unhealthy relationships. This non-judgmental book is written for those being abused, those who abuse, and those trapped in mutually abusive relationships. Beverly Engel, a leading expert on the subject, explains how to identify and understand emotional abuse and what motivates it. She presents strategies for stopping emotional abuse, both for the abused and the abuser, and includes specific information relevant for those who are suffering from, or inflicting, abuse as the result of a personality disorder. Finally, Engel offers readers ways to help couples and individuals decide whether to attempt to save their relationship or move on. Zusammenfassung A step-by-step guide to help both victims of emotional abuse and their abusers escape unhealthy patterns originating from childhood abuse and neglectIn the second edition of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing, internationally recognized therapist Beverly Engel walks readers through a proven program designed to help readers get to the core of their unhealthy behavior patterns.This book was written specifically for two types of couples--those who mutually abuse each other and those with abusive partners who are willing to honestly look at themselves to and make the necessary changes to stop abusing. Unique among books of this type, Engel focuses on both the abused person and the abuser, offering non-judgmental advice to both groups. She offers effective strategies, techniques, and information to end abusive behaviors, including:* Why some people are attracted to abusive people and vice versa* Patterns created from childhood neglect and abuse and how to break them* Determining if you or your partner suffers from a personality disorder such as Narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder* How to decide whether to continue the relationship or end it* The importance of healing shame caused by childhood neglect and abuse* How self-compassion can help heal both victims of emotional abuse and the abusers themselvesThe Emotionally Abusive Relationship is essential for those involved in unhealthy relationships or who have loved ...

List of contents

Acknowledgments xi
 
About the Author xiii
 
Introduction to Second Edition xv
 
Part One Identifying and Understanding Emotional Abuse
 
Chapter 1 Emotional Abuse-- The Destroyer of Relationships 3
 
What Is Emotional Abuse? 6
 
How Emotional Abuse Does Damage 7
 
Determining Whether You Are Being Emotionally Abusive 10
 
No Monsters Here 12
 
Ending Emotional Abuse 15
 
Chapter 2 Patterns of Abuse 17
 
Domination 19
 
Verbal Assaults 20
 
Constant Criticism/Continual Blaming 21
 
Abusive Expectations 22
 
Emotional Blackmail 22
 
Unpredictable Responses 24
 
Constant Chaos/Creating Crisis 25
 
Character Assassination 25
 
Gaslighting 26
 
Sexual Harassment 27
 
Clear and Consistent Patterns 28
 
Overt and Covert Abuse 28
 
Intentional and Unintentional Abuse 29
 
Chapter 3 Not All Emotionally Abusive Relationships Are Alike 33
 
The Seven Types of Emotionally Abusive Relationships 35
 
Part Two Healing Your Childhood and Your Unhealthy Patterns
 
Chapter 4 Patterns That Begin in Childhood: Why We Abuse and Why We Take It 47
 
The Repetition Compulsion 50
 
The Core of the Compulsion-- An Abusive Childhood 53
 
Abusive Styles of Parenting 55
 
The Power of Unfinished Business 58
 
Your Original Abuser 59
 
Another Pattern: Victim or Abuser? 60
 
Anger In, Anger Out--Male and Female Patterns 61
 
How Shame Affects Victims of Abuse 62
 
Chapter 5 Complete Your Unfinished Business (For Both Victims and Abusers) 65
 
1. Admit the Fact That You Were the Victim of Abuse or Neglect 67
 
2. Acknowledge to Yourself That You Have Unexpressed Feelings of Anger, Pain, Fear, and Shame Because of Your Childhood Experiences of Neglect, Abandonment, or Abuse 73
 
3. Allow Yourself to Feel and Express Your Emotions Connected to the Neglect or Abuse You Experienced 75
 
4. Find Safe, Constructive Ways of Releasing or Expressing These Feelings 77
 
5. Confront Your Abuser(s) (Indirectly Preferred) 79
 
6. Resolve Your Relationship With Your Original Abuser(s) (Set Boundaries, Temporary or Permanent Separation, Forgive) 80
 
Chapter 6 Healing Your Shame with Self- Compassion 81
 
The Cure for Shame: Self-Compassion 86
 
Repeating the Cycle of Abuse 92
 
Part Three Stopping the Abuse
 
Chapter 7 Action Steps for Those Being Abused 99
 
The Program 103
 
Specific Advice and Strategies 121
 
Chapter 8 Action Steps for the Abusive Partner 123
 
The Program 126
 
Chapter 9 Action Steps for the Abusive Couple 147
 
Stop Blaming Each Other 150
 
The Program 152
 
Chapter 10 When Your Partner Has a Personality Disorder 161
 
Determining Whether Your Partner Suffers from BPD 164
 
Twin Fears-- Abandonment and Engulfment 166
 
Strategies to Help You Cope and to Stop the Emotional Abuse 168
 
Determining Whether Your Partner Suffers from NPD 171
 
Strategies to Help You Cope and Stop the Emotional Abuse 174
 
Should You Tell Your Partner that You Suspect They Have a Personality Disorder? 177
 
When You Both Suffer from a Personality Disorder 178
 
Chapter 11 When Your Abusiveness Stems from Your Personality Disorder 179
 
Do You Suffer from BPD? 182
 
How BPD Can Lead to Emotionally Abusive Behavior 183
 
How You Can Begin to Change Your Emotionally Abusive Behavior 186
 
Strategies for Specific Borderline Behaviors 191
 

Report

"Engel's seminal book on abusive relationships is both practical and empathetic. I particularly like that she helps victims explore their childhood to understand their triggers and why they're in an abusive relationship. It's easy to read and explains how to confront abuse, move on, and recover."
--Darlene Lancer, LMFT, author of Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist
 
"Beverly Engel provides fresh insights in the new, second edition of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. The book compassionately considers both parties entwined in their reciprocal double helix of pain. In illuminating the significance of shame in both the abuser and the abused, Engel reveals pathways for clearer recognition and, ultimately, healing for those caught in the web of emotional abuse."
 
--Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., author of Sometimes I Act Crazy and I Hate You--Don't Leave Me
 
"Beverly Engel's humility, clinical sensitivity, grace, and her expertise in her written works are just the tools that everyone needs to help with healing from emotional abuse. Beverly graciously writes about emotional abuse in a way that's relatable, resonates, and is easy to understand for anyone going through it. Her work exudes compassion, and she is able to describe abuse dynamics without disparaging anyone. She genuinely and unselfishly is motivated to help everyone heal and holds our hands to walk us through the recovery journey. I applaud her kindness and generosity."
 
--Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD, LPCC (r)

Product details

• Authors: Engel, Beverly Engel, Engel Beverly
• Publisher: Wiley, John and Sons Ltd
• Languages: English
• Product format: Paperback / Softback
• Released: 01.12.2023
• EAN: 9781394171545
• ISBN: 978-1-394-17154-5
• No. of pages: 272
• Subjects: Guides > Self-help, everyday life > Partnership, sexuality; Humanities, art, music > Education > Social education, social work; Non-fiction book; Beziehung, Ratgeber, Self-help, SELF-HELP / Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Beziehungsstörung, Beziehungsebene, FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships, Allg. Ratgeber, Coping with / advice about abuse