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In his mid-twenties, Jeremy Ivester began taking testosterone and had surgery to remove his breasts. This memoir is both Jeremy's and his family's coming out story, told from multiple perspectives-a story of acceptance in a world not quite ready to accept.
About the author
Jo Ivester spent two years of her childhood living in a trailer in Mound Bayou, where she was the only white student at her junior high. She finished high school in Florida before attending Reed, MIT, and Stanford in preparation for a career in transportation and manufacturing. Following the birth of her fourth child, she became a teacher. She and her husband teach each January at MIT and travel extensively, splitting their time between Texas, Colorado, and Singapore.
Summary
In his mid-twenties, Jeremy Ivester began taking testosterone and had surgery to remove his breasts. This memoir is both Jeremy’s and his family’s coming out story, told from multiple perspectives—a story of acceptance in a world not quite ready to accept.
Foreword
Preface
My transgender son, Jeremy, was identified as female at birth. At twenty-three years old, although still presenting as Emily, he had what is called top surgery, removing his breasts and sculpting his chest to a more masculine shape. A year later, he changed both his name and his use of pronouns. He also began taking hormones.
I faced a major decision in writing his story. Should I refer to him as Emily and she when writing about him as a child and a young adult? That’s how we thought of him at the time. Would doing so help readers experience Jeremy’s journey with him, instead of jumping ahead to when he’d figured out who he really is? It feels uncomfortable for me to write Emily and she, and I worry whether it’s disrespectful to the transgender community, given that so many who have transitioned wince at the use of their former names and pronouns.
Should I instead call my son Jeremy throughout the book? Is that revisionist writing? Will it confuse readers? Is it okay for them to be confused? After much deliberation, I found a compromise. I refer to Jeremy as she and Emily until the moment he transitioned. From that point forward, I refer to him as he and Jeremy. This may feel awkward. But that’s okay. Jeremy felt awkward for years.
Finally, is it okay to use the phrase Once a Girl in the book’s title? When we welcomed Jeremy into the world thirty years ago, we thought he was our daughter. Today, I think of Jeremy as male, even when I picture him as a four-year-old. Even when I picture him wearing a dress. He was never a girl.
Jeremy created a video journal to document his transition. That journal is the basis for his voice in the true story you are about to read. Beyond that, this book is based on numerous interviews of family and friends, research, and my own memories. At times, I have changed the names of individuals to protect their privacy.
