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"In this brilliantly original book, Ana Villalobos illuminates an unobserved link between insecurity as a mother experiences it and the unnoticed 'security project' she infuses into her mothering. . . . Based on over 150 interviews with young mothers—most followed over a course of three years—Villalobos shows what can happen when one relationship is made to bear the increasing weight of 'society-sized insecurity.' A highly important book." —Arlie Hochschild, author of The Outsourced Self and So How’s the Family?
"Villalobos shows how today’s mothers are being asked to provide a sense of security that American society no longer offers. Yet these unattainable expectations are not only destined to fall short; they also undermine the well-being of families and communities by diverting attention from the social roots of rising economic and interpersonal uncertainties. This important and timely book is a powerful call to address the institutional sources of personal insecurity rather than leaving mothers to shoulder this impossible task on their own." —Kathleen Gerson, author of The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family
"In this perceptive book, Villalobos offers a fresh take on the anxieties of contemporary mothers. Shifting attention from mothers' attempts to find the perfect child-rearing strategy, she focuses instead on the ways mothers burden the mother-child bond with security concerns, even when doing so threatens to destabilize family life. And rather than blaming mothers for their actions, Villalobos expresses profound compassion for them while offering a hopeful vision of less stressful parenting. This wonderful book will ignite vibrant conversation both inside and outside the classroom." —Margaret K. Nelson, author of Parenting Out of Control: Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times
List of contents
Acknowledgments
1 Introduction
Part I CONNECTION
2 Shielding & Antidote Strategies: Mothering that Saves the Child
3 Compensatory Connection Strategy: Mothering that Saves the Mother
4 Light-Motherload Connection: Love Without Saving
Part II INDEPENDENCE
5 Inoculation Strategy: Punching Back at Fear
6 Friendship Strategy: Punching Back at Responsibility
7 Light-Motherload Independence: Mothering Without the Ordeal
8 Conclusion
Appendix A
Research Participants
Appendix B
Research Methods
Notes
References
About the author
Ana Villalobos is Assistant Professor of Sociology, Brandeis University.
Summary
In a time of economic anxiety, fear of terrorism, and marital uncertainty, insecurity has become a big part of life for many American mothers. This book shows how mothers frequently rely on the one thing that seems sure to them: the mother-child relationship.
