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Informationen zum Autor Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, and John Gottman, PhD Klappentext NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • LEARN THE 5 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL COUPLES Conflict is the top reason couples seek help—but it's also an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love according to this essential guide from the world’s leading relationship scientists and authors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates. “An indispensable resource that couples will use over and over again.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone How we fight predicts the future of our relationships. Most of us blunder into conflict without knowing what we are really fighting about and then quickly become overwhelmed by physiological responses we can’t control and emotions we don’t anticipate. The truth is the happiest and most successful couples fight—all the time. Conflict is human, and necessary. Through decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, have identified the five common mistakes we make when we are at odds. In Fight Right , we learn the five secrets that help us to get back on track and harness conflict to build stronger, healthier relationships. With kindness, clarity, and a deep understanding of the struggles couples are going through, the Gottmans show us that we each have a unique conflict culture, borne of how we were raised and how we experienced past relationships, and they take us through all the possible combinations, from Avoiders, to Validators, to Volatiles, and how they can best work together. Fight Right is an essential resource that will help couples escape the win-or-lose mentality in favor of a collaborative approach: calming down, staying connected, and really understanding, so that our fights can bring us closer. Leseprobe Why We Fight “What’s going on?” he says, as she says at the same time, “So what do you want to talk about?” They both laugh. The couple is sitting close together, propped up against crisp white pillows on their comfy bed, facing the camera. They’re angled toward each other; so far, they both seem warm and relaxed—maybe a little nervous about being filmed. We’ve asked them to turn on the camera of their laptop, begin recording, and then simply talk about how their day is going. That’s all. Meanwhile, our AI system is watching them. This system was built to assist our Gottman-trained therapists and couples wanting to assess their relationship at home—to gather illuminating data about how partners respond to each other in casual interactions and in conflict. The AI can read their heart rate from the video feed, without any other devices. Using machine learning, it does emotion coding, pinpointing each partner second by second on a wide range of possible emotional categories. And it rates each person’s trust level in their partner on a scale of 0 to 100 percent. The AI—designed by our brilliant colleagues, Rafael Lisitsa and Dr. Vladimir Brayman—gathers all this data as this couple chats briefly about their workweek, how they’re looking forward to the weekend and having the chance to relax. So far, the AI has coded their interaction as progressing from “neutral” to “interested.” Both are relaxed—heart rate is around 80. Trust metric is fairly high. Then, she says, “Oh, by the way. I told my parents they could stay in our room this weekend when they come to visit. We’ll sleep on the couch.” There’s a pause. “You already told them?” he says. “Well, yeah,” she says, a bit dismissively. “They’re my parents. I—” “You know I don’t sleep well on the couch.” “Oh, come on.” (Eye roll) “It’s just for the weekend. What’s the big deal?” “Well, I want to be at my best with ...
